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It’s that time of year again, love and romance is all around. So I thought I’d share with you my recent dating journey. I say journey; it’s more like an old, clapped out car, stalling as it tries to get up a hill.
I’m internet dating (is there any other kind of dating for single mums with no social life?). So far it’s not exactly going well. If I tell you a little about the people I’ve come across perhaps you’ll understand.
Did ‘Mr Nobo’, the Spaniard learning English, appreciate his name?!? How was that ever going to attract the ladiez? What about the ones who compliment you on your looks, not forgetting to add, ‘FOR YOUR AGE’ at the end. Gee thanks! Or the old classy chestnut of, ‘didn’t I see you on the train today, yeah you had your hand down my trousers’. Err no. Just no. One guy called me ‘sweat hat’, all I could think was sweaty hat, what kind of new romantic language is this…Oh, it’s sweetheart. I think I’d rather be called a sweaty hat thanks. When you’re trawling through these profiles you can’t help but feel that internet dating is for all the crap that got left behind (or spat out). Then you realise you’re one of them.
I have been impressed by the perseverance in some people though. I can’t remember his name, space boy or something. He was very insistent that I reply to his message. So much so he sent the same one twenty times. When I did look over his profile (and deliberately not reply) he was there again, ‘saw you peeked so you must be interested’. Err no, I think you’ll find the point of a profile is for people to peek and then if they don’t reply it means, quite literally, they are not interested. Taking a peek does not equate to wanting to chat. That’s the whole fucking point of profiles. I dread to think what he’d expect if anyone ever agreed to go on a date with him, regardless of how said date actually went.
Talking about dates, I’ve had a few. The first date I went on after I’d separated was bloody awful. To be fair to the man, he wasn’t actually that bad. Well OK, he was a bit of a dick, but after the gems I’ve highlighted above you can imagine it wasn’t that hard to come off as a charmer. The date itself was pretty none eventual. But when I came home, I was distraught. I broke down and couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t believe that I was back here. Back in this horrid dating world with all its silly games. Only now I was a divorced, single mum with saggy boobs and stretch marks to boot. I felt desperate. I was sure all the men left would be like him – pretty dull and slightly annoying. Just enough of ‘not too bad’, to make you think you should give him a second chance. So I did. The bastard cancelled on our second date and never contacted me again. (Side point: Don’t cancel on a single mum, she’s had to organise a babysitter, 1) it’s annoying, 2) that’s an understatement.)
So my learning so far seems to be that the men on these sites are shit and the ones who aren’t total nobheads (but still pretty dull) think I’m not worth a second date. Give.Me.Strength.
There’s been a couple of nice ones in amongst the chaff. But I’m clearly a bad judge of character (yeah, I guess the divorce would have given you a heads up on that personality trait!). Usual story: I think it’s gone OK, they say they will message, they don’t. It bothers me more than it should considering I’ve not actually really liked any of them.
My best date so far was also my most drunk – coincidence or correlation? I’m not too sure. The first time our knees touched under the table I jerked upright. It felt like I had just done something highly inappropriate. Then I realised, crap, this is what flirting is! God damn it, I used to be shit hot at flirting back in the day. I was sure I’d blown it and he’d interpreted my (literally) knee jerking reaction as a rejection. Lots of crazy ideas went through my head, perhaps I could knock his knee again? Or maybe that would look too keen? Shit, this was worse than being 13 again.
Internet dating seems like an almost impossible feat. Yes, I’ve heard of the people, who know the couple, who have the neighbours, who met on line and are now happily married with two cats. But really, how did that happen? I’m not sure I believe in ‘the one’ anymore. There’s probably lots of people we could make loving, wonderful partnerships with (if only we would meet). But on internet dating you’re looking for a spark in a second. And what’s worse is that second is full of nerves and a desire to impress which hides a persons’ real personality and replaces it with a polite (or just plain nervous) version. Politeness is OK (I guess), but it’s not my best trait and it’s hard to find a spark behind it. If there’s no spark then on you move, searching for that elusive feeling. And repeat – ad infinitum.
I’ve gone off the boil with it all lately. I think I’ll get back into it after this blasted Valentine’s Day is over (it looks desperate to message people now right?). I mean, even if it continues to be shit, at least I can get some more blogging material out of it (sorry lads).
There are loads of internet dating sites around. Lots of them are free. Do your own research, I’m not going to increase the competition by letting you know which ones I use!
For those of you too depressed by internet dating to even do that, here’s a cheery thought: come Monday you can go and get some heart shaped chocolate at bargain prices!